We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
