Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
