I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
