THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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