You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
