Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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