Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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