Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
