a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
