i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
