Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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