my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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