told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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