If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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