I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
