she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
