I'm so fucking centered right now
her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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