End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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