Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
