areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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