I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
