His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
