She is in my trunk
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
