I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
