guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
