my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
