you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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