Umm I'm too high to move.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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