Moan for me like Helen Keller
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
