Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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