You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
