No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Randomize
