smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
