I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
