my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
