you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
