Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
