i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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