You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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