ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
