I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
