3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
