Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
