Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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