why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
