the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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