I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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