So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
