I feel like abortions should bother me more
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
