i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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