Swine flu. Run for my life!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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