remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
