I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
